so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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