Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
