Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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