i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
