Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
