hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
