Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
