rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
