Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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