I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize