Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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