He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
