I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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