He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
