If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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