wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize