He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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