dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
