That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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