There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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