i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
