I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize