I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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