Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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