Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
