no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
