I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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