so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
