There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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