no. you can't hotbox the world.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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