do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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