Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
