Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
