I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
