So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize