im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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