You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize