one two three fourrrrnication!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
