I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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