I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
