She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
