Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
