Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want her autograph on my taint
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
