FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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