We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
