yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My ass is underappreciated
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette