it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.