I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
