the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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