i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
