and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
