i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
