hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
