im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
