my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
