please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
