I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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