Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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