im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
