I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize