this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
