omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis