and my herpes radar will keep us safe
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
