God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?