I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?