I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
