I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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